I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
