she woke up with a sticky ear
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
