If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
