DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize