I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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