All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
