I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
