I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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