I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
