thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
