I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
