i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
