I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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