I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
