Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
