Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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