the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
