ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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