Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
