i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
