I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
