Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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