I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
