I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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