i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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