well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
