...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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