dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They took my balls.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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