ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
