what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
