i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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