so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My pussy is not your playground.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
