I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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