You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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