my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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