Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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