Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
