Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
