The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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