do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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