Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
