i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
