i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
