No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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