mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
