I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
