Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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