i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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