'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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