C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My penis needs a shock collar
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
