That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
