so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
