She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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