well I can't set my house on fire every night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
