I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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