Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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