Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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