I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
