did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
