The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i came on her dog
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize