there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
