Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
