Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
