You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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