I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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