you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
