you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Someone signed my nipple.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize