We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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