We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
