The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
