Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize