my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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