i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
