Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
