i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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