As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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