My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
