captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
and you fell through a lawn chair
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
