I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
