I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
