I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
