So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
