I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
