cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
