I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My penis needs a shock collar
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
