okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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