I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
