Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
