he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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