i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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