You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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